The Accent That Lied to Me!

There’s a quiet bias I’ve had to confront about myself… and unlearn. Growing up, we were somewhat conditioned to associate certain accents with intelligence, safety, and even success. And I never questioned it… until life forced me to.

On a recent flight from Bloemfontein, I was reminded of this bias in the most unexpected way. The air hostess spoke with a polished, confident accent… and it pulled my attention, not because of what she said but because of how she said it. And somewhere between takeoff and landing, it hit me: what does “polished” even mean… and who decided that’s the standard?

I sat with my thoughts… and a very uncomfortable truth came to mind: in my life, especially in my dating life, I've had a tendency of choosing people based on how they sounded, and that has cost me. It has actually cost me a lot. I associated this so-called polished accent with belonging in boardrooms, private schools, and “put-together” lives. It feels convincing. But I’ve learned… sometimes it’s just a good performance.

I found myself thinking about one of the hardest chapters of my life. A relationship that, on the surface, sounded right. The accent? Impeccable. The delivery? Smooth. But the substance? Not aligned. Not honest. Not safe. And today, being a single mother is part of that story. Not from a place of regret, but from a place of truth. Because if I’m honest with myself… I was listening with the wrong ears. I was hearing confidence… and assuming character.

Funny enough, in my work, I’ve always chosen differently. I’ve built my career backing the unchosen. The entrepreneurs who don’t “sound the part.” The ones with strong accents, broken English, or none of the polished delivery we’ve been conditioned to trust. And they are some of the most brilliant, resilient, and capable business minds I’ve ever worked with.

I’ve sat across founders who couldn’t pitch in perfect English… but could build sustainable businesses. Who didn’t sound “refined”… but had clarity, grit, and execution. Who wouldn’t be picked in a boardroom… but would outperform those who would. In my work, I’ve always listened for substance, and I’ve always chosen potential over presentation.

That contrast has humbled me because it exposed something uncomfortable: My bias was not just a preference… it was conditioning, and conditioning, if left unchecked, will quietly make decisions for you.

What I am unlearning:

• That confidence in delivery does not equal integrity in character

• That how someone sounds is not a measure of their values

• That fluency is not the same as honesty

• That polish can sometimes mask a lack of substance

• That I need to listen for alignment, not performance

What I am choosing instead:

• To listen beyond the accent

• To pay attention to consistency between words and actions

• To value emotional intelligence over eloquence

• To trust patterns, not presentations

• To choose substance over style

This isn’t just about dating. It’s about how we choose people, in life and in business. How we hire. How we trust. How we assign credibility. How we decide who is “worthy” of opportunity. Bias doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it whispers… in the things we don’t question. And unlearning it? That’s work. Deep work. Personal work. Necessary work.

I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone. Somewhere, someone else is still choosing based on how it sounds… and not what it is. And maybe this is your reminder, like it was mine:

Listen differently.

Yours in non-bias,

The Business Doctor Keitumetse Lekaba